Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Strumming to the beat of the binge monster

Haha what a horrific title! But I thought it was corny and random so what the heck.

Just got back from my second guitar class. It's become slightly more enjoyable since I've pulled the stick out of my butt and made the commitment to be enthusiastic. Sometimes you have to fake it till you make it. There are about ten students, most of them in their 50's and 60's, and one girl who is 14. She's been trying to bond with me and it's actually sort of cute. Both of us are here because our mothers signed us up.

She said, "But you're twenty. Why even bother coming home for the summer? Just stay at school..."

I hate having to come up with different ways to respond to questions like these. If I were a more confident person I would just tell the truth. "Because I can't be trusted with food when I'm alone." But alas I am just Eliza; self conscious and ashamed. So I just told her that I come back to Boston for the summers because I have a good job working at a summer camp. Which is true actually so I'm not really lying...

Wound up bingeing today. AND weighing myself. Well, first I weighed myself, then got so depressed that it caused me to binge. I've gained almost fifteen pounds in two weeks. Granted, a few are surely made of water but it's still pretty scary. I can't remember the last time I had so many binge episodes one right after the other. I'm incredibly scared of what's happening. Talked to my mom about it today, and we both think/hope that it might get better once I start working at camp next week. Urges tend to become more manageable when I have actual activities occupying my time during the day. I don't want to make any assumptions though. I am completely terrified of the eating disorder monster right now...


  1. Right there with you kid. But double the weight and make it 4 weeks. You should read carrie's blog about relapse prevention.

    The only way I stopped was to just say screw it and get back on the meal plan my RD gave me. But I fight the fight every damn day, and they just brought in cupcakes! God hep me!

    Good luck.

  2. Aaaaah you're too right. At the moment all I have to fall back on is the meal plan. Here's hoping it works...

  3. The meal plan sounds like a good idea. Having something to do to keep you busy will be good for you too.

  4. is a good one to reat too.
    He say's as he grab's another bag of M&M's

  5. ED Monster is a biatch. Don't give up. Never give up. Dont let the monster win. There will be better times. I never heard of anybody who recovered without slipping or going back and forth a few times, I'D say its natural. You are worth it.
    (Oh my this sounds cheesy).