Friday, June 11, 2010


DOOM. I CAN'T SEEM TO CLIMB OUT OF THIS BLACK HOLE OF BINGEING. THE WORST PART IS I'M NOT EVEN ENJOYING IT. THIS IS COMPLETELY UNCHARTED TERRITORY FOR ME. I'M ANXIOUS, I'M IN DISTRESS, I'M SAD, I'M SCARED, AND FOOD ISN'T MAKING IT GO AWAY. FOOD ALWAYS MAKES IT GO AWAY WHAT THE HELL DO I DO? Alright maybe I'll drop the caps lock because I think that's making it worse. I have terrible cramps right now and no idea where my brother put the Motrin so I'm just sitting here in a cloud of despair and ovary pain. There are so many things I'm worrying about right now I have no idea where to start so I'll just list them in no real order:

-enormous test on Tuesday
-Heather wants me to meet her boyfriend but I'm having a lot of social phobia lately and I really don't feel comfortable meeting new people right now
-going to Sandwich, NH in three weeks with the family for our annual 4th of July weekend fun time and I want to be thin for all the fun stuff we're going to do
-Aunt Sarah is coming today and I love her but haven't seen her in a month or so- makes me wonder if I've gained weight since
-this is my third binge day in a row and I see no end in sight

This is so bad. I'm so angry with myself.


  1. Dont beat yourself up. Breathe.
    Your fears and problems wont just leave because the number on your scale are different. 10lbs from now, you wont be more self confident or a social butterfly. Most likely nothing will have changed, maybe it will just be worse. Eliza, breathe! Dont beat yourself up, and hold on for a second: Will your aunt love you any less if she sees that you gained weight? When I look at your profile picture (I assume its you?) I'd say that she wont notice anything.
    YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. And binging is just a copeing mechanism to handle all the stress and worries. Its not you, being self-indulgent and weak. Its ED-Monster being VERY strong. Dont feed him even more by beating yourself up. You deserve so much better.


  2. Thank you, Kat. Yeah that picture is cute but I was a lot thinner.

    Thanks again for the support! Gonna take some of your advice and go easy on myself tomorrow.

  3. Hey. You do have a lot of things you're stressing about. How often do you see your T?

  4. Once a week... but I don't like her. My nutritionist is much more helpful.

  5. *Hugs*
    How was it with your aunt? Did it go okay?
    *Even more hugs*


  6. I can relate to what you're going through X 100.... it's so frusturating. I used to binge and purge so much I didn't have get my period for five months, but I'm no longer purging often.
    Hope you don't think I am a stalker. I'm just trying to find people on here I can relate to. Remember, there's so much more to life than weight and eating... but we both know that's MUCH easier said than done

  7. No I don't think you're a stalker! Thanks for reading :)