DOOM. I CAN'T SEEM TO CLIMB OUT OF THIS BLACK HOLE OF BINGEING. THE WORST PART IS I'M NOT EVEN ENJOYING IT. THIS IS COMPLETELY UNCHARTED TERRITORY FOR ME. I'M ANXIOUS, I'M IN DISTRESS, I'M SAD, I'M SCARED, AND FOOD ISN'T MAKING IT GO AWAY. FOOD ALWAYS MAKES IT GO AWAY WHAT THE HELL DO I DO? Alright maybe I'll drop the caps lock because I think that's making it worse. I have terrible cramps right now and no idea where my brother put the Motrin so I'm just sitting here in a cloud of despair and ovary pain. There are so many things I'm worrying about right now I have no idea where to start so I'll just list them in no real order:
-enormous test on Tuesday
-Heather wants me to meet her boyfriend but I'm having a lot of social phobia lately and I really don't feel comfortable meeting new people right now
-going to Sandwich, NH in three weeks with the family for our annual 4th of July weekend fun time and I want to be thin for all the fun stuff we're going to do
-Aunt Sarah is coming today and I love her but haven't seen her in a month or so- makes me wonder if I've gained weight since
-this is my third binge day in a row and I see no end in sight
This is so bad. I'm so angry with myself.