Monday, June 28, 2010

Never mind

FUCK MY LIFE! Forget everything I said about starting fresh because IT DOESN'T MEAN SHIT. The only thing that matters is getting through these ridiculously unbearable days without doing something dumb and self-destructive.

I wish I was an alcoholic. Or addicted to crack. I wish I stole things impulsively or raped someone or strangled a puppy because at least that way I could be put away for my behavior. Unfortunately for me, bingeing is not against the law and probably never will be so I'm up against a losing battle.

I need to start taking my medications more regularly. I dunno why I think it's okay for me to go off them. It never is.


  1. Yeah it seems that way. You have to eat. When you eat you face your fears every time. Every day you have to get up and do the thing that frightens you most. Every day you face those questions of will I or won't I. And yes every day is a chance to start fresh. You have to forgive yourself and move on.

  2. Thank you, David. You are definitely right- I have to cut myself some slack. Being a healthy eater does not come naturally to me and I can't expect perfection.

  3. Nope you are not a normal eater. I thought I was doing so good and then a set back and I was right back into restricting all morning and binging all night. Once I got there it was so easy to continue. You have to find a way to break the cycle, and of course I cycle so you must as well.

    The point was you have to forgive yourself. Once that is done you have to try to do the right thing the next meal.

    Good luck today.