Hello again Bloglings!
So I've decided not to waste my time or yours with making excuses or coming up with reasons why I haven't been recovery blogging for the past six months. Has anyone else ever noticed how boring recovery can be? I feel like people don't recognize this enough. We talk about being miserable and hating our bodies and wishing our meal plans would just go fuck themselves, but is it just me or is it also INSANELY BORING work? And we're not even getting paid for it.
I've been living in New York City with my Aunt Sarah for some months now. I thought it might be an interesting time to start posting again because after this week I'm going back home to Boston for the summer, AND I'll be taking a three month hiatus from therapy and nutrition counseling! No treatment and no doctors for the first time in... since I was.... twelve? I think. My god. Well, I haven't had an eating disorder since I was twelve. I've had an eating disorder since I was fourteen, but twelve was when my mother put me in therapy. Anyway, I'm so excited! I'm at a point in my recovery now where I'm not only ready to take the reigns completely, but I honestly want to, you know? I've learned what I need to learn, I'm prepared for any obstacles, and I have the ED trapped in an airtight jar. It's still alive in there, don't get me wrong. I'm by no means cured of this wretched illness- but at least I'm no longer the one being trapped in a jar.
My plan was to go home at the end of June, but a situation in our apartment demands that I return ASAP. The situation? Bed bugs. Fucking bed bugs. We don't know how exactly they got in here, but I've been reading all these articles lately about how NYC is known for being overrun by them. Last night, in a fit of frenzied sleeplessness I sent emails to both my parents, demanding they come and get me in one week's time. A week should give me enough time to hot wash all my cloths and bag them up so as to MAKE DAMN SURE that I don't bring them with me.
In terms of where I stand with the ED behaviors and such, I'm always hesitant to share the specifics. The reluctance isn't from any feelings of shame or secrecy on my part, but rather, I wonder how necessary, or even how helpful the information really is. As we all know, eating disorders are more about irrational beliefs and obsessive thinking than they are about calories consumed and calories burned. I think I'll hold off on discussing my current weight and behaviors for now. At the moment I'm feeling surprisingly at peace with life so we'll just let it be.