Thursday, November 4, 2010

Today was a good day

It's late, almost midnight and I should go to beddie but I'm not tired yet.

Today Tulan gave me the nicest compliment. After we closed the store and finished cleaning up, she said, "You are doing really great now."

I was like, "What?! Really?!"

"Yes, I just cashed out and there was no money missing from the register. Not even a penny. I feel like I can leave you alone in the store now."

WOw, I would LOVE that. Not just because it shows that I'm reliable and awesome but also because if Tulan isn't there I can sit down every once in a while instead of having to stand around and pretend to be cleaning invisible spills. Plus I could study when things get slow.

In other news, I've decided to stop bingeing and restricting. Lol don't you love how simple I made that sound? But seriously, it's high time I stopped being a little bitch, and get over my obsession with losing weight. Now that everything seems to be going so well with work and my BU class, I think I'm in a good place to start really committing to a healthy diet. By diet I mean lifestyle. Not the other kind of diet. I know I'm always reminiscing about the good old days when I was anorexic and had so much self control around food but the more that I think about it, it wasn't so much self control as it was fear. And in all honesty, I would much rather go back to when I was just healthy and happy and had a life that didn't revolve around food. Every second I spend in this eating disorder is a waste of my life. I am so done with it. I don't even care if healthy balanced eating keeps me fat for a while, if it means taking control of my well being.

Hopefully I'll still feel this way tomorrow... every once in a while I get really inspired to embrace recovery but it always seems to disappear out into the void.


  1. Ha, I like how you made it sound so simple.

    I hate having to pretend to be busy.

  2. It's worse than actually being busy :)

  3. Hey! I just found your blog and I am currently struggling with an ED as well. I am so happy that youve realized life with ED isnt worth it!! Stay strong and keep fighting and I hope to get to know you better :)

  4. Thanks, Katie! I hope you keep reading :)