Day 3 of operation healthy eating with no behaviors is well underway. Last night I made an amazing dinner for the family- butternut squash gratin with onions and sage. It was so sweet and delicious and everybody but my brother liked it so I consider the meal a success.
I predict the hardest parts of this new regime are going to present themselves two-fold:
1) Having to eat even when I don't feel physically hungry.
2) Not being able to see rapid weight loss overnight.
The first is going to be the biggest problem for me I think, because despite the fact that I do binge fairly often, the days in between binges are very restrictive. I forget what it feels like to feel satiated and satisfied, you know? Because I'm either rumbling with hunger, or bursting at the seams. I can't stress enough to myself how important it is to stop restricting. Why? BECAUSE IT IS THE BIGGEST AND POSSIBLY ONLY REASON WHY I BINGE IN THE FIRST PLACE. No restriction = no hunger = no binge urges = no bingeing = less shame and self-loathing = better quality of life.
The second part, not being able to lose weight quickly, will be equally frustrating, but I'm not going to weigh myself so I hope it won't be a huge problem.
I'm totally serious about this you guys. I know you're probably all rolling your eyes because nobody just "decides" one day to stop using behaviors. But I swear it's different this time.
I'm feeling sleepy right now; definitely in need a little afternoon nap time, but I've been having the worst trouble falling asleep for the past few nights and I know it's because of my crazy sleep patterns... all those night shifts at Angora throw me off I think. Instead of sleeping, I'm going to study. I really only have to bury my nose in the books for the rest of today, all of tomorrow and then most of Monday. Monday night I have my test. I've been studying so hard, I better do well. If I get anything less than a 90 I will tear off my own head and throw it at someone.