Monday, January 3, 2011

Everybody dance now

I feel like bingeing. It's funny, after a behavior, when I'm reflecting on what I could have done differently I always think to myself, "I should have tried to address the feelings and emotions behind the urge instead of immediately turning to food." I guess now would be the absolute ideal moment for me to do that, since all I want to do right now is dive into a jar of Nutella and gobble it up like, like... like somebody who eats a lot of Nutella. ARgh! I fucking hate it when I can't some up with a good simile. Anyways, here are the most prominent emotions, feelings, and sensations that I'm feeling right now and why:

Hungry. I ate a good amount today but I suppose there was a lot of walking back and forth from Dr. Gordon's office so maybe that's contributing to the tummy rumblings.

Crampy. I'm the second day of my period and I feel like that guy in Alien who is sitting at the dinner table with all the other astronauts and then all of a sudden he starts freaking out with pain and then a giant slimy crab demon of sorts bursts out of his chest and then he dies.

Sad/lonely. I put those two together since I'm feeling sad BECAUSE I'm lonely. My brother and dad drove down to Pennsylvania this evening so that Jake can interview at Haverford College tomorrow, and now I'm left alone in the house with only Rachel and my Mom and they are my least favorite out of everyone in the family (In case you were wondering, my order from favorite to least favorite goes Jake, Dad, Rachel, Mom).

Tired. I don't know why I should feel tired. This morning I woke up at 8:30 and had a bowl of cereal, then I went back to sleep for three hours before finally getting up for the day and walking over to therapy.

Overwhelmed. I have to work at the store a lot this week I'm assuming, and we only just got back from New Hampshire on Saturday. I have difficulty making the transition from vacation routine to ordinary routine. Also, my spring semester BU classes must be starting up in a week or two, but when I went online to check when they started it said I wasn't authorized or something so now I need to figure that out and I don't want to.

I guess those are the main feelings. I'm also feeling annoyed, bitter, fat, angry, and mentally restless but those are nothing new so I don't need to go into them. I guess all that's left to do is figure out some way to get through the evening without food. It's not even six o' clock yet. Oh god. And I JUST got a text from Amy and Sarah saying we're gonna watch The Bachelor tonight and evenings with them ALWAYS involve pizza or cookies or ice cream or candy. Curse you, fateful world! Why must you torment and plague me with such food loving friends!?

P.S. I realize that my titles are becoming less and less thoughtful/representative of what my posts are actually about, but I have C+C Music Factory stuck in my head...


  1. It's good that you were able to analyze the feelings behind the urge to binge. I hope that helped !

  2. Just curious, do you ever get sick of Nutella? If I eat a lot of something I get so sick of it. I've often thought about eating a ton of chocolate chip cookies until I'm sick so I never want to eat them again.

  3. I guess since it's a binge food and I don't really let myself have Nutella on "normal days", it's become like this awesome forbidden treat that I crave all the time. Of course after a day of eating nothing but Nutella and sweets I probably won't want it again for another week or so...