What a day, huh!? To all my fellow New Englanders out there, I hope you enjoyed the fun and frosty winter storm we were favored with last night. I spent most of the morning shoveling out the terrace next to my house with Dad and Jake. In fact, all the neighbors who live on our little side street came together to help each other dig our cars out of the snow. It felt very wholesome and comradely.
Seeing Marci yesterday was a HUGE help. No wonder I've been struggling with bingeing more frequently, I haven't seen her in almost a month! I got her caught up to speed on everything that's happened- work, New Years in NH, my finger (yes, I do tell this story to everyone and anyone who will listen), and I even told her about how I impulsively joined Weight Watchers online last week. She asked how that was going and I said horrible. It makes me feel horrible about myself because I can't stay within the daily points and I get so hungry. She said not to feel bad because the diet industry is diabolical and doomed to fail anyone who joins it. I was like, "What are you talking about? You're a nutritionist. Don't you have clients who see you to lose weight?" She said yes she does but she would never endorse a plan that is so restrictive and lacking in nutrition.
"Most people who join Weight Watchers, or any diet for that matter, WILL see a weight loss of one or two pounds a week... but something like 95% of those people gain it back within a year because of how hungry they were."
"What about the other five percent?"
"Those are the people who develop eating disorders." HAhaa.
I think she was kidding so I laughed but actually she has a point. I mean, think about how long I tried to sustain restriction last year... I really only managed to be anorexic for a solid four or five months before I was like fuck this, please pass the ice cream. Anyway, what I was starting to say is that Marci made me feel a lot better about everything. She reminded me what a REAL meal plan looks like and told me to start logging my exchanges again... along with fullness and satisfaction notes after each meal and snack. She also let me in on a little secret. At first, she was really hesitant to say anything. "I am going to tell you something that's probably a little less recovery and more weight loss focused than usual." I was intrigued. Marci never talks about weight loss. "Say you have a little extra weight. If you just eat normally, listen to your hunger cues, ditch the calorie counting and diet regimes, your body will slowly over time start to drop any unnecessary weight that it needs to." I just sort of stared at her with my mouth open for a few seconds after she said this. I mean, I guess I knew this was true to an extent, but it almost sounded as if she was trying to using weight loss as an incentive for me to stop bingeing. Does Marci think I'm fat? Okay, okay. I'm not an idiot. OBVIOUSLY if I stop bingeing I'll lose weight... but I was just so shocked to hear her tell me this. Does Marci want me to lose weight?
Anyway, my point was that things are definitely going to start getting better now that I've seen my nutritionist and know what I need to work on and what I need to eat.