Sunday, May 30, 2010

Issues here and there

It's almost ten o' clock Sunday night. I'm exhausted but I can't fall asleep because every time I lie down I get so hot I want to take off my skin!!

Mom, dad and little Sis are off and away on a Quaker retreat in Maine this weekend. I was planning to go but I have a cumulative Anthropology test on Tuesday so if went I'd only end up studying the whole time anyways. I'm really anxious about it actually... I haven't taken a test since High School. I go to a college that places much more emphasis on class participation and super long analytical essays than tests. I HATE TESTS!

Today was a good day. I've been going SO FAR OFF my meal plan lately but today I managed to get back on track so I feel a lot more confident about the coming week.

I ordered a book on amazon called The Food and Feelings Workbook that my nutritionist recommended. I love getting things in the mail. It'll like a late b-day present! Only I'm paying for it... and it's ED related. So never mind it's not a present it's just recovery stuff.

I'M SO BORED. I shouldn't even be allowed to blog when I'm this bored because I have absolutely nothing new to share with the world.

Well I guess I have a weird thing I could put out there...

Today I went grocery shopping because I started thinking about different dinners I could do this week and I got really excited about squash. Anyways, I started doing this really weird thing that I totally used to do when I was in heavy restriction mode. Basically anytime I pick out a food item, I compare to the identical other ones surrounding it because I start thinking that if I don't choose the perfectly unbruised apple, or the perfectly uncrushed bag of pretzels, somehow it'll effect the number on the scale.

So how long does it take to pick out a squash? 30 seconds? It took 10 minutes. 3 minutes for the acorn squash and SEVEN minutes for the butternut. By the time I left the store I felt like my brain had melted a little bit. The weirdest part was that I felt like I'd engaged in a behavior even though I hadn't physically done anything to myself WITH food.

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