Yesterday I had my first ever meeting with an outpatient nutritionist. Well, I guess I had a one during my flare up in ninth grade... but I only saw her a few times and all she gave me was a list of foods I should snack on to gain weight- cubes of cheese, peanut butter, nuts... but whenever my mom gave me some to eat I'd just end up hiding them in bookshelves and stuff.
What is it with me and hiding things I don't want to eat or take? Like, why not throw them away or just put them in my mouth? I should see what that's all about.
Anyway, nutritionist lady, Marci, was really nice and I look forward to working with her. It was our first meeting so most of the session she was just getting my history about stuff. But she gave me some goals to work on for next week- like trying to work more grain snacks into my meal plan. I usually opt for a protein.. like yogurt or cottage cheese, but she said it might be a good idea to address my fear of eating goldfish and teddy grahms in portioned amounts. Then we talked some about intuitive eating and how to slowly work my way towards accepting that philosophy. The thing is, sometimes I don't think I'll ever be able to just KNOW when I should eat because I've got the ED shushing all my hunger cues. I feel HAPPY when I'm empty. I feel POWERFUL when I'm empty, I feel STRONGER. How do I switch that around??