Sunday, April 11, 2010


I'm having trouble falling asleep. I mean, it's only 10:45 but I'm used to conking out at like quarter to ten. It's troublesome to me. I have to get up at 6:00 tomorrow and I'd rather not be sleepy at program.

I just finished reading The Lovely Bones. Maybe that's why I can't fall asleep? This book is sad and making me think a lot more than I'd like to... I can't stop thinking about all the dead people I've ever known and wondering if they're actually watching me live my life from up above. I guess I'd be okay with that. As long as they avert their eyes when I'm taking a dump and flossing my teeth.

I feel like today in general was just really weird. I didn't have any eating disordered episodes but from the moment I woke up this morning I've been feeling anxious. I went for a mindful walk to try and clear my head. That didn't work. I chewed an entire pack of gum. That made me burp a lot. I smoked a cigarette from a pack I've had in my underwear drawer since two years ago. That worked for like 10 minutes before I smelled it on myself and then remembered what a gross habit it was. I suppose things turned around after my afternoon workout. Dear gym, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

Anyways, on to more positive and uplifting thoughts. I think this is my last week of program! I'm fairly certain I'll be discharged sometime next week, then I might start IOP. That's the evening program. I'd go three times a week instead of every day and only for three hours instead of six. Myeh. I'm done with treatment. I'll do it if they make me though.

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