Saturday, April 3, 2010

I should be committed

I apologize in advance for this ridiculously inane and shallow post. I promise I'll start limiting the weight and numbers talk after this one.

Today I weighed myself at the gym. Whoops.

The good news is I'm not NEARLY as heavy as I thought- about 10 lbs. less than expected actually.

The bad news is that since I came home from school in December the binging has packed on a very real and noticeable 8 lbs to my ass and thighs. My size two jeans BARELY fit so I can't wear them right now and that depresses me a lot.

The good news is that I'm not overly tempted to restrict because lets face it, 8 lbs. is sad but not the end of the world, and I know restricting calories is just gonna screw me over in the long run.

I may ask the nutritionist at program if we can remove desserts from my meal plan because I haven't had a binge episode in over a week (yay!), and my urges have been pretty minimal.

So my plan is to lose 8 lbs. DON'T YELL AT ME. I know I'm in treatment for an eating disorder and my primary focus should be on recovery and not weight loss but come on. In eight pounds I'll be at the weight that my doctor tells me is the lowest I should really ever be at so I know I'm supposed to stop there.

Again, I'm so sorry for talking about this shit. I must come off as the most superficial and assholey person ever. The only reason I obsess over my weight is because I'm really not very good at anything else besides obsessing about food!

Easter is tomorrow. I love Easter. I hope I get those little fuzzy chicks. And jelly beans. And Cadbury Creme eggs. I won't eat them obviously but they're fun to save and smell and hold and look at.

I'm really screwed up.


  1. Oy. That is the floor! Your body is probably running much better where it is. I think you should just forget about the numbers for now. Your body will settle out when you reach where it want's to be. Check it out it's called set point. Also you are still a growing girl, sorry but true.

    Have a nice Easter.

  2. Yeah numbers suck. I don't even own a scale anymore but I don't know how to get away from the one at the gym!!

  3. Hmm,, think of this way, the only way to get your real weight is to take off all your clothes and get on the scale in your birthday suit. Since you can't do that at the gym, well I hope you can't, then that scale will be wrong. And every gym scale that I've been on has been diffrent from what was in the Dr.'s office.

    No scales. Or pick up a weight when you think of getting on the scale. Good lunch!