Ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh I haven't been able to post anything in what feels like FOREVER because the internet in my house has been totally screwed up and none of us are able to get online. The only reason I'm able to write this now is because I'm using my dad's little portable wireless USB thingy... Wow it hasn't even been a week and it really does feel like I've been away from my blog for too long! So much has happened! So much to tell!
Nothing too eventful to report actually...
I worked a lot and babysat here and there and my friends Amy and Sarah are home for winter break so we hung out two nights ago and watched holiday movies together- Home Alone and Elf to be exact. It was super fun and I'm glad I got to see them. I can't believe how close it is to Christmas!! Speaking of which, another thing that happened was our Quaker Christmas pageant this morning. I somehow wound up directing it this year, which is fun but nevertheless stressful and a little bit of a pain at the same time. I always feel like everything has to be perfect, all the kids need to remember their lines, the costumes have to be appropriate, blah blah blah. When in reality, we're Quakers, we don't give a shit. We just enjoy the spirit of it all. Anyways, the play went pretty well. Joseph forgot his line to the innkeeper and ended up saying something like, "Please let us in! We didn't get much sleep on the camels." And the orchestra totally missed their cue to start Silent Night but some how everything worked itself out and it all came together.
In terms of ED stuff... I guess things have been okay. I ate a lot of candy the night that Sarah and Amy came over and it was definitely binge-like behavior, but it was a lot smaller than my usual binge episodes are so at least that's something, right? I also went running again. Just once. It was really nice actually. The thing I like about running is that I don't actually associate it all that much with my eating disorder or weight loss. Whenever I was really skinny or restricting I never had the energy or strength to run, so I'd just work out in a gym on an elliptical. But it takes a lot for me to go on an efficient and successful run. I've got to eat something fairly substantial two or three hours before, otherwise I won't be able to go longer than fifteen minutes, I need to feel rested and energized, but most important of all- I have to WANT to run. Running when you don't feel like running is TORTURE. And I don't always feel like running. Some days I just content myself with walking to and from work as my exercise, and other days I really feel like running. So in terms of exercise, I think my attitude is pretty healthy at the moment.
Tomorrow I have Dr. Gordon. I totally fucked up on my goal for this week which was to empty my room of any old ice cream cartons or food wrappers and stuff. She wants me to start a no eating rule in my bedroom because apparently eating alone in my room just reinforces the idea that eating is shameful and secretive. I was like, "Can I still eat breakfast in bed while I blog!? It's like a morning ritual." She said that's okay for now, but I should really try to binge/eat in rooms that are designated food areas. Eventually it should foster more normalized eating habits.
Anywho, I missed you guys! God, how sad is that. It literally hasn't even been a week. Now I'm going to go and catch up on all your posts to see what I've missed :)