Monday, March 1, 2010

Day 1

One day down. Nine more to go. HOPEFULLY just nine more.

To be fair, it wasn't the excruciating pain I was expecting it to be. We kicked off the morning with a weight check. We have to wear these skimpy little johnnys for the weight checks so thank god they're only twice a week because I hate undressing. After that we had target and planning group. This is basically where we go around and discuss the different types of things that trigger our maladaptive behaviors, and then give each other advice on how to combat distorted thinking or whatever.

The worst parts of the day were of course the meals. I didn't actually eat breakfast with the group today because I was getting an orientation, so that part was okay. Snack wasn't bad either. I was allowed a piece of fruit and a glass of water. Lunch was tough. They made me put TWO slices of cheese on my sandwich and as if that wasn't enough, I still needed another dairy exchange too. I only drink milk with cookies so I opted for soy milk instead but still, the extra calories left me feeling fat and pissed off.

It could be worse though. The girl sitting next to me is on a GAIN weight meal plan, so for lunch she had to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a pear, cottage cheese, a yogurt, a snack pack size of little brownies, and a Boost. At one point during lunch I must have seemed particularly distressed because she looked over at me and said, "I swear it gets easier."

Anyways, I came home and started feeling antsy and bored because I'm usually on the elliptical by 4:00. I tried sitting with the urge for about fifteen minutes like they tell you too, but it wouldn't go away and all these images started coming into my head: Eliza getting fat, Eliza having no friends, Eliza not going back to school, Eliza drinking soy milk at lunch. I feel like soy milk was the trigger because that was the last thought before I pulled on my running shoes and bolted out the door.

So I walked/slow jogged to the reservoir near my house and went around twice. I honestly can't say if I was in it to burn calories or just to get my heart pumping. Either way I felt better afterward. I feel less guilty about feeding myself if I know I've exercised at least some.

I'm looking at my meal plan right now. It's almost funny actually. I'm expected to have another grain or protein for snack later in the day, then 2 grains, 3 proteins, 1 veggie, 1 milk, and 1 fat for dinner, then another grain or protein snack before bed. Ummmm... since noon I've eaten 3 carrot sticks and about half a cup of black beans with some shredded cheese for dinner.

I'm nervous about eating breakfast there tomorrow.


  1. Well I'm going to say that you do need to be there. Your body will love you for it. Please stay. I promise it will suck, but it will get easier and you will learn to spot the crap that ED tries to put you through. If you can start to spot it then you can start to feel like you can do something about it.

    I'm so proud of you.

  2. I agree with David, you do need to be there and I hope that after day 9 you decide to stay because you don't want to end up being 32 and still dealing with this crap!

  3. Thanks for the support guys. I'm starting to get more adjusted to my new routine, but the idea of COMMITTING to like 8 weeks is a still a bit stressful.

    AAAAAH one day at a time I suppose...

  4. It's scary. I know I keep saying that, but you can do it and you can have a better life. I hope, hope, hope that you stay for the full 8 weeks.