Sunday, March 13, 2011

Bad omens

Tomorrow my mom is having a colonoscopy so I have to get up super early to drive her there and then pick her up afterwards. Great. Mondays used to be my sleep-in days and now I'm a chauffeur for the decrepit.

I'm having second thoughts about the newest girl that we hired, Michelle. She is cool and fun to chat with, she's only been working at the store for a week and already her smoothies are the perfect consistency, but besides making the stuff and waiting on customers, she kind of does absolutely nothing. She sits by the counter and texts her boyfriend, she makes herself enormous milk shakes, and when it's time to close she never stays with me until I'm done cleaning the store. In fact tonight she actually asked if she could leave right at 10 p.m. and I didn't really know what to say so I was like, "Sure!" I'm SUCH a pushover :( The thing is (and I was talking about this with Dr. Gordon last week), I'm actually fine cleaning the store all by myself because it's a lot easier to do something myself than explain it to someone else who won't do it right. I just like having company during my shifts now.

I haven't taken my meds in almost a week. AAAAAaaah I'm falling off the wagon again, I know it. Technically nothing disastrous has happened yet like in terms of bingeing or sleeping all day but I really need to get consistent and STAY consistent with taking them. Otherwise something bad will certainly happen.

There has been a major drop in food consumption this week. Nowhere near full blown starvation but certainly less than my meal plan requires. I haven't been calorie counting but if I had to make a rough estimate I'd say I've been eating between 1,000 and 1,200 calories a day. So... not disastrous but Marci would call it restriction. Last week I was writing stuff in on my planner and I started making a weight loss schedule for myself, just like old times. I put in a weight for myself to be at by the end of the month and then afterwards I started figuring in how long it would take for me to get to my "skinny" weight if I lost 1-2 pounds a week after that. Taking into account how long it's taken me to lose weight in the past on the amount of food I've been eating, if I continue this way I will be "thin" by my birthday in May, and "skinny" by early summer. I don't know why exactly the urges to restrict have been so strong lately. All I know is that it is getting more and more frustrating having to live in this body and more than ever I need a change.


  1. Hmm, you should probably stay ON your meds!!

    As for the restriction thing, that's probably not a good idea, but who the hell am I to talk on that.

  2. LOL your comments are the best. Who knows, maybe the skimping on meds is contributing to the restriction.

  3. I do the same thing with my meds. I stop taking them until I feel like crap and realize that I need them. I would encourage you to get back on them. I understand the restriction and wanting to lose weight because I'm right there with you. I think that if I'm skinny, everything will be better, and I will be happier even though I have proof that it isn't the truth. The weight loss will never be enough. I hope that you can get back on track:) Sending {{{HUGS}}}

  4. Oh man, it's good to know I'm not the only one who does this sort of thing.