Sunday, October 17, 2010

It's a fall miracle

Strange thing happened to me today. A few hours ago I woke up from my afternoon nap to the smell of cookies baking downstairs and of course I'm like oh screw it lets binge. Rachel and her friend Helen were having a sort of girl's day with baked goods, and it's not like I have anything better to do on a Sunday so I joined them. After about ten minutes I started thinking about all the other foods I could binge on, and coming up with excuses to get out of the house and buy stuff. My mom was in the kitchen, and I pretended to be looking for my pills. I was like, "Man, I keep on meaning to pick up my prescription from CVS but I can never get myself to go out and do it!"

Then she said, "Eliza, just take the car and get the refill. If you don't do it now you won't remember again until next weekend." HEhe I so sneaky....

Anyways, I got to CVS, told the nice pharmacist with the bifocals that I wanted a refill, and then he was like okay that'll be fifteen minutes we'll call you when it's ready. So I headed over to the ice creams and began deliberating on what flavors to get. The Ben and Jerry's half baked is always a good bet so I picked up some of that and then some plain vanilla as well. Then I went over to the Halloween section and got a bag of candy corn and Reese's cups. As I was paying for all my stuff though I changed my mind all of sudden; not about bingeing... I guess I still wanted to binge, but I didn't want the ice cream anymore. This was unprecedented, because ice cream holds the most power over me as a trigger food, and the fact that I simply and suddenly wasn't in the mood for it anymore, was frankly a little suspicious. I said to the cashier, "Can you give me a minute? I forgot something." Then I walked back over to the freezer and stood in front of it. The hardest part was that I kept wondering to myself, "but what if I want ice cream in an hour or so and I can't justify taking the car again? Shouldn't I buy it just to be on the safe side?" As I thought this I heard how ridiculous it sounded in my head. LOL safe side of what? How would buying food to indulge in a nasty addiction that makes me feel horrible about myself be playing it on the "safe side?" I put the ice creams back, but I still bought the candy.

Now I'm sitting on the floor of my room, where I usually blog. It's been about 45 minutes since I got home from CVS with my meds and my candy. I ate about half of the candy corn and half of the Reese's cups but think I'll stop now because I'd like to set a good example for myself and others in the future.


  1. thank you so much for this post. Well my ED is comparing himself with your ED. God what is it about Sundays? I so want to binge. I've been distracting... never mind I'll blog about it.

    Just thanks. I know it sucks to give in and reading this helped me stop. Of course I still want to grab the keys. Grrrrr...... stupid ED!

  2. You're welcome! Keep fighting that sneaky little binge monster...