I sort of want to binge. I haven't eaten very much today and now I'm hungry and wanting something delicious and carb heavy. Since I got home from work at 5:30 I've had an apple and a carrot stick to tide me over until I decide what I want for dinner, but now it's almost seven so I think I might just forget the meal and have some popcorn if I get really hungry later on. Ugh... restriction is so not fun when you're fat and hungry. And now I'm depressed. I would binge but I have to work tomorrow and I don't want to have a food hangover in the morning. Plus bingeing is what made me fat in the first place so there you go- two solid reasons not to binge.
Tulan is really starting to catch on to my eating habits. I mentioned last week that she said I "never get hungry at work" and I "never eat." Today she actually dished out some coffee oreo ice cream into a mug for me and told me to take a break and eat it. At first I responded with my usual go-to answer: "No thanks, I ate before I came here." But then she looked at me very sternly and said, "Eliza, you need to eat." I haven't had anybody so on my back about food since coming home from school last winter. It's weird... and a little unnerving. I mean, I guess I appreciate the concern. I do. It's just a little humiliating because this woman is probably wondering, "If this girl eats so little, how is she not incredibly skinny?" Ugh. It's very frustrating having to deal with this on top of the stress that already comes with having to serve ice cream to greedy sugar addicts.
And now I'm super hungry so I think I'll have some yogurt.