Tuesday, August 31, 2010

She's gone

Heather moved out. I prearranged a movie night with Amy during the hours that she would be moving her stuff out of my room so I wouldn't have to say goodbye. I hate goodbyes. Now I'm lying down on the carpet in my room, soaking up the empty space. I feel like writing a dark and tortured poem about the loneliness.

One more week of summer. Technically, I guess. I think my brother and sister start school again next week, and that's when my class starts too. My friend Sarah came home for a couple of days before flying back to Seattle for college, and we were THIS close to going to the beach yesterday but something came up and we couldn't get a hold of a car to drive there. I was mighty grateful indeed. Nobody should be subjected to seeing me in a bathing suit right now.

I don't think I'm ready for fall. And NOT because I'm one of those people who lives for the warm weather because I certainly am not. In fact, autumn is my favorite season. It's just that last fall I was so much skinnier and now it's all I can think about again. It's doing that thing where the memories creep into my head at night again and it makes me want to cry!!

So in conclusion, I'm depressed and large. My favorite cousin is gone, and now I want some Nutella.


  1. So what, is she Amish? Does she not have a phone? You can't email, skype or text her?

    You get the sarcasm right? There are lot's of ways to still talk to her. Don't feel so alone.

    And school down here has allready started. It sucks, dumb school zones and bus stops.

  2. Yeah sarcasm much appreciated David. And she's only a half hour away by train so I guess it's not the end of the world....

  3. I do the same thing. I romanticize the days when I was actually the sickest. Weight restoration is so hard, and I'm sorry that you are struggling with it. The whole bathing suit thing sucks, but this summer I was determined to not let it get in the way of enjoying the warmth and sunshine which I need to combat my depression. It takes a lot of forcing yourself, but it is worth it. Hang in there, and know that you are not alone. Don't be afraid to reach out to people even though they are far away. They can still be a great support for you.