Sunday, July 11, 2010


Two major issues on my mind right now, and I could certainly use some advice, thoughts, and/or criticism

1) Heather has been dating this guy named Mike for almost 6 months, and every time she asks if I want to meet him I find some excuse to avoid the introduction. By now she knows that I'm having issues but I haven't been completely honest with her as to what they are exactly. I TOLD her that I'm feeling socially phobic and anxious about meeting new people. The TRUTH is that I'm fat and ugly right now and I don't want to be seen. I haven't told this to anyone because I know how they'll respond. "Eliza, that is silly. Mike is interested in Heather, not you." That's fine, I know that! It's not like I want to be with him. Far from it. As someone who has never been emotionally stable or mature enough to stick with a guy for longer than a week, I have no desire to test the waters right now. But the thing is... and I'M JUST BEING HONEST because my blog is the only place for complete honesty... the thing is, I want him to want me.

Kill me. Just kill me now. I'm selfish and small. Well, selfish and large actually but my point is that I'm aware this is ridiculous thinking. You see, I'm the type of girl who goes in and out of attractiveness. It's almost scary. Sometimes I'm super cute and I know it so I flaunt it, and other times I'm fat and puffy and I look like a rodent so I just hide away and diet until I'm attractive again. It's how I function!

Anyways, he's coming over for dinner tonight to meet the family, and I made plans to be MIA. I'm going to see Despicable Me with my friend Amy. Heather is a little disappointed but I did promise to meet him before I go to Michigan in August so at least there's a deadline for it.

2) Not as pressing or urgent as the first matter but certainly one that I have been deliberating over. While our tenant, Margie was away in Spain for a few weeks she asked me to water her plants and pay her bills as they came. Her plants only needed watering twice the whole time she was away, and I really only mailed like three checks for her. She said she would pay me for the "work" and today left an envelope with a check for a hundred dollars and fifty dollar bill. I know this is too much but I sort of want to keep it. I'm also thinking that maybe the reason she split up the payment into a check and bill was so that I could have the chance to refuse some it if I wanted. But then Heather thinks that maybe she was just being courteous... not knowing whether I would want cash or a check so she gave me both just in case.

ARghh!!! I feel like I am living in a Jane Austen novel only without the romance and funny old people.


  1. I'm going to talk about 2 because 1 is just a symptom of the ED. You know that those feelings are closing off your life and it's up to you to step up and met that guy.

    So on to 2, how much do you think it was worth? How much do you need the money? Does she know you need money? I say the last because I tried to help my friend when he was out of work by paying him to help me with a few things. He knew what was going on but it's not something you talk about. If you think it's too much then say thanks, but this is all that I did, I'll keep the 50 but here's the check back. If you need the money keep it.

    Oh and I would split it up like that too if I had just gotten back and only had a 50 left. I'd give that and then write a check for the other amount.

  2. Whew okay that makes sense. I'm going to keep it all I think... because I am just a lowly college student so I'll take whatever I can get.

    Thanks :)