I started writing a post last night once I had settled into the house that I'll be sitting for this week. I sat down at their computer with a big snugly blanket wrapped around me, all excited to write something interesting and then nothing came so I just went to bed. I think I was just totally wiped yesterday because of how much working and running around I'd been up to. I was at the ice cream store from 5 until 10 and then I cleaned up and closed by myself, then at around 11 I walked back to the house, and walked their dog for twenty minutes. A part of me was glad to have had all the exercise though, because I'd had a frozen yogurt for dessert that I was feeling guilty about.
I can't quite say yet how I feel about having a house all to myself. Some parts of it are nice. I like feeling in charge and responsible, and I like their pets. I think I'd feel much more lonely without the pets. Their dog Molly follows me into every room, and she slept most of the night at the foot of my bed. It was really sweet and I really want a dog. I'm not so fond however, of having no one to talk to or joke around with like I have at home. The house is also really big and has a lot of mirrors up on the walls, which sucks because I can't go anywhere without catching a glimpse of myself and then wanting to throw up. I miss home :( Tomorrow night I'm definitely having Rachel spend the night there with me.
I don't want to see Marci tomorrow. I dunno. I just don't. I'm feeling apathetic about life. Also I forget what homework she gave me to do this week... last Tuesday it was to challenge the rules I have about "timing" for my meals. It's like, if I have breakfast at 11 a.m., I'll tell myself that since breakfast was late, all the other meals should be pushed back accordingly. Then what happens is at around 1:30 I'm hungry for lunch but I won't eat because it's too soon after breakfast. Then I'll get hungrier and hungrier, and then binge or something because I couldn't wait. I'm getting better at that stuff though.
I know what you mean about it being lonely when you housesit :/
ReplyDeleteI DO love the responsibility and independence, but it's weird being by yourself the whole time..
Also, mirrors suck. You're beautiful. You need to remind yourself that your perception is twisted. :)
Annd I do the same thing about setting mealtimes.. I usually put off breakfast until late so that I have a late lunch and a normal time for dinner, that way I don't have to snack.. It's not good :/
I'm glad you're getting better at this stuff, though! I hope the appointment with Marci goes well :)
<3 Haley
I agree with Haley. You are beautiful:) I think it is normal for someone with body image issues to avoid the mirror though. I know I do. Good luck with your appointment. I'm always forgetting my therapists homework assignments! Sending {{{HUGS}}}
ReplyDeleteI hope you enjoy the house and the pets.
ReplyDeleteLol I put sheets up over the mirrors... thanks you guys for all the positive affirmations. Maybe reading them enough will burn them into my subconscious :)
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