I've been thinking about something recently. People are always telling me to get out there and be more social and have more friends and be less isolated, and until recently I thought they must be right. But you know, most people I meet just make me anxious and depressed about life. It's sad but true. And don't you like the way I phrased that statement? I could have been really insensitive and said something like, "most people are superficial and corrupted," but instead I made it a statement about myself- that way it doesn't sound accusatory. Anyway, the point I'm trying to subtly make is that it's not me, it's them. It's people! Every day that goes by just provides me with further proof that I don't belong here. And by here, I mean earth. Not to toot my own horn or anything (because we all know I'm severely flawed), but if I can have a compassionate and understanding heart, why do the majority of humans seem to be without one? I mean, even the people I care most about in the world aren't as nice as I wish they could be. My brother makes fun of me all the time, my mom is never at a loss for pointing out the areas of my life that I can improve upon, and I'm pretty sure my dad thinks I have some high functioning mental retardation. RRghh, it's so frustrating. But, that's why I limit my social interaction I guess. If you don't get close to people you don't have to risk being disappointed by them.
On the way home from work this evening I slipped on the ice and fell into a cold and soggy puddle. I wanted to cry, I felt so pitiful and alone. My arm was all scratched up and bleeding, my butt was soaked, and I dropped my mom's copy of David Copperfield in the snow. Do you ever have moments where you feel like you've hit rock bottom? Well this was one of those moments.
Sorry you fell. :( Hope you're not too sore.
ReplyDeleteI do have to disagree a bit with everything else you said. Yes, while there are many people who are not kind and have a heart, I don't you can say that it's not you it's them. EVERYONE you meet can't be a horrible person and not good enough for you to be friends with, just remember that. There's a part of you that is wanting it to be everyone else. Just a thought.
I think most people are self involved jerks. The only reason that I find you interesting is that I gave you a chance because your going through stuff that I'm going through.
ReplyDeleteSee the way I made it about me there ;D Anyway I think that if you give a person a chance and find something in common then you can learn to open up. Please don't be like me. I'm a selfish, self involved prick. I really don't like people (most people), don't socialize and when I do I some times sit there and think, get off the cross someone else needs the wood. Not a nice thought but hey see the above statement.
Good luck. But give it chance or you'll be sitting there at 40's with cats thinking When the hell did this happen?
That's so true about giving people a chance because they're going through what you're going through. People tend to immediately rise in my esteem if they have eating disorders... interesting.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, P. I guess I know there are people out there who are worth knowing and loving... but they're just so hard to find. Sometimes I think working at an ice cream store and dealing with so many indolent customers has jaded me a bit.
Eliza, you are so beautiful, smart, and caring! Don't let what anyone says or thinks bring you down.
ReplyDeleteMaybe, though, you are thinking too much about what others are thinking and assuming things that aren't so.. just a thought.
Anyway, I'm sorry that you fell. But hey, you got back up again. That's what life is about. I think you're a wonderful person. You mean something to me!
Keep it up :)
<3 Haley