It's rainy and cold

Just spent the last 40 minutes typing in symptoms on Web M.D. Why does this site even exist? I type in "red tongue" and the only thing it says I could have is scarlet fever. I'm not feeling under the weather, though- just super bored beyond all belief so I'm coming up with all the things about my body that are kinda odd and then seeing what illness they could mean.

I had a good session with Dr. Gordon yesterday. She told me I should probably start seeing a psychiatrist about my antidepressants, especially since I decided to increase the dosage without even consulting a medical professional first. I guess she's right, but so far everything seems okay on 80 mg... fewer binge urges for sure, same amount of restriction though and my moods and anxious/poopy feelings are up and down all the time it's not even funny. She also said I should start up with a nutritionist again so now I've got two phone calls to make. It was funny, she said: "Eliza, correct me if I'm wrong, but I get the feeling that making these types of calls and getting in touch with people is difficult for you." I laughed because she put it so nicely. Um, YEAH I have a problem with that! Ever noticed I don't call my friends or family members, I don't check my messages because I don't return calls because I'm just so muddled up in the brain? Just another thing to work on I suppose.

MMmmm... someone is making popcorn downstairs. Speaking of which- tonight is pumpkin carving night at Quaker meeting! (Popcorn and pumpkin sound similar so that's why I said speaking of which) I haven't been to one of those in TWO YEARS because I've always been at school during the fall so it'll be so much fun! It's been hard to enjoy my usual favorite fall festivities because everywhere I look I'm reminded of last October and how much different (skinnier) I looked, but I'm truly making a solid effort to combat those feelings. After all, there isn't one specific way one should look according to what season it is.