Exposure

Yuck. In an effort to try and normalize my eating patterns the nutritionist at program has added a dessert to my lunch two times a week. I usually only eat sweets on binge days, and apparently if I expose myself to small amounts of ice cream and cookies on a regular basis I'll be inclined to pig out on them less. It makes sense I suppose, but having to stop after half a cup of rocky road is torturous.


So I decided to follow the theme of risk taking throughout the rest of the day too. I went back to the gym for the first time in like... five weeks. I prepared myself mentally for the fact that I would probably be triggered by all the people working out, all the fitness magazines and stuff.

Coming back to the gym after a month in program was such an eye opener actually. You're surrounded by dozens of different machines to burn off all the food you've eaten, plus monitors to tell you how hard you're working your body to do it, not to mention the thing that clocks how many calories are being slashed. NO FUCKING WONDER it screwed me up so badly. The place is a breeding ground for eating disorders.

Anyways, I did half an hour on the elliptical. I figured it was best not to jump right back into my 45 minute sessions because I didn't want beat my muscles too much on the first day back. I listened to my ipod, read some non-threatening magazines, pondered some other stuff too... getting back to cardio was amazing. My heart was pumping fast enough for me to feel it inside my chest, and I LOVE that feeling. I was able to stop after my half hour though, figuring it was time for afternoon snack and I wanted to get home and clean my room.