Today in Body Image group we did this activity called Dear Body, Dear Self. Anyone ever heard of it? I hadn't. Well, you sit down and write a letter to your body, as if it were a friend that you've been having relationship problems with. You can write about how your body has let you down, how it made changes you weren't ready for, or how it made you feel ashamed. My letter was pretty accusatory. I think I wrote something like, "You are the reason I don't go to parties anymore, you are the reason I shroud myself in baggy clothes, you are the source of everything in my life that sucks..." Something like that. Anyway, then we respond as if we are our BODIES writing back to OURSELVES. That was more challenging because how exactly do you put yourself in the position of someone or something that you hate? Then, after about three minutes of pencil tapping and staring out the window, it was as if my body literally took on a voice and started speaking to me. I realize this sounds corny and maybe even a little nuts but I'm totally serious. I started realizing just how much I've been abusing my body over the years- rapidly gaining tons of binge weight then losing it by crash dieting and beating myself to death at the gym. The letter from my body was angry and VERY hesitant to trust me. And lets be honest, why should it?
In other treatment news, we had two new girls today! This is nice because it means I'm not the newbie anymore and now I can impart my wisdom on these vulnerable little chickens. Granted, I was exactly where they are a week ago so I'm not sure how much wisdom I've actually accrued...
haha..... we did tht..but instead of writing to our body,,, we wrote to our ED... but it sound like your doing good in treatment.. keep it up, cuz ive glimpsed at recovery before my major relapse.... its sooo worth it :) good luck
ReplyDeleteOther than that, how's it going? Is it getting better?
ReplyDeleteI've heard of those letters. Ugh, they better not tell me I have to do that for the study I'm doing. No way man!
I'm so glad you got something out of it. It was a real eye opener for me. I did something very similar. Lots of anger and trust issues.
ReplyDeleteKEEP IT UP! Your doing great!
Thanks guys! Yeah it was an interesting activity.
ReplyDeletePTC, it's funny actually... the hardest part about this whole treatment thing is coming home AFTER program and having to deal with all the urges to binge, exercise, and restrict. I hate my eating disorder more than ever now so I'm really putting all I've got into NOT engaging in behaviors. The program itself is going well, and I'm less anxious there because everything is supervised and everyone is very supportive.
Lol watch me have a terrible day tomorrow and take all of this back.
LOL! So you're going to stick it out? What about an inpatient program so you can solidify everything more, then move back to the outpatient??
ReplyDeleteI thought about that actually- a residential program would probably would be even more effective. It's sort of up to my team though. Right now they want me to stick with day program for a good eight weeks or so... then I'll probably move down to the evening one, which is less intensive but still good for recovery.
ReplyDeleteI'm sticking it out after all!
You've stopped hiding food in the sleeves? And you're still eating at home right? Let us know.
ReplyDeleteYEaaaaaah that was just the one time. No more shannanagins with hiding food.
ReplyDeleteAlthough... I'll be totally honest. It's SO HARD to eat when I get home and I have been restricting snacks here and there. But I usually tell people about it the next day. Blegh. I want to be recovered RIGHT NOW.
I'm glad you're sticking it out. I just wish that you could go IP so you can get more out of it all. It would seem like you would go IP, IOP, Night, but what do I know. ;) Glad you're staying though.
ReplyDeleteGreat work Babe. I think I may write my body a letter too.
ReplyDeletexo