Ugh- what I've become

Just got an e-mail from my nutritionist, wanting to check in and see how things have been going since our final appointment last week. Marci is so sweet. I wish I could fold her up and bring her along to NY with me in the fall. Anyways, she found a few possible replacements for herself next year... one of them looks very promising indeed. Her name is Stacey and she has a practice on Madison Avenue. She sounds a little fancy for me but you know what? Marci was a little fancy too and sometimes fancy is better. Certainly better than judgmental and bullying... two characteristics which my therapist seems to have been trained by.

There is something wrong with my lungs again. I felt a lot of wheezing in New Hampshire and now it has sort of morphed into a flemmy cough accompanied by the most terrifyingly choked up, gnarly demon voice. It has to get better by itself though because I absolutely REFUSE to go the doctor. I've gained a solid ten pounds since my check-up last month so there is simply no way I will allow the current weight to appear on my medical chart. I'm sorry, this is an incredibly vain and cowardly thing to say but you know what? This is my blog and I'll say what I want. (I also just realized I tend to preface a lot of my statements with the rhetorical question, "...but you know what?" This is silly and I think it makes me sound too defensive so I'll try to work on that).

I didn't really binge today. I was still full from greasy Chinese yesterday when I woke up this morning, so all I had for breakfast was a light coffee frappe on my way to work. I skipped morning snack... had a PB sandwich and a nectarine for lunch, then came home and promptly fell asleep for two hours. When I woke up I ate a bunch of Sun Chips and Smartfood popcorn. It felt a little bingey, but I don't feel sick right now so, calorically, it probably wasn't a binge.

I'm definitely stuck in a food rut though. BINGE EATING ASIDE, I haven't really been putting in the effort to try and eat healthy foods or exercise. Examples... I haven't eaten a vegetable in three weeks. Any and all sandwiches I've eaten recently have been on white bread. I've begun opting for breakfast cereals like Honey Bunches of Oats and Panda Puffs instead of Oatmeal and fruit like I used too. Little things like those you know? And for real, I'm not just focusing on how my weight plays into this whole thing it just shows more self-respect when I opt for nutritious food and lately I haven't been caring enough about myself to try. This is not to say that white bread or yummy cereals and chips are bad foods, it's just that it's come to the point where I've stopped putting care and consideration into what I'm eating and THAT is bad.

My plan of action (because you know I always have one) is to make a list of healthy foods that I enjoy, and then make it a point to buy them and have them around the house. I'm off to make of list of them right now!