Enter MEDA

I had my assessment today at MEDA. I drove over to Newton with minimal difficulty thanks to my handy dandy GPS (how did we ever get around without them?) and made it on time at 3:00. The place is actually kind of nondescript and plain... at first I wasn't quite sure if was the right place. I don't really know what I was expecting- a nice classic victorian mansion like Day program had? Anyways, I really thought I had screwed up the address or something because west Newton is not as nice as regular Newton. Whatever though. Maybe it just looked a little dismal because of all the rain.

The assessment itself went pretty well. The lady I met with, Amy, was really friendly. She basically used the time to get my history. How old were you when the ED started? Fourteen. Anything in particular that triggered it? High School and gymnastics. Any treatment? Just Day and IOP this past year. Nothing else before that. Any gambling or excessive shopping? No. Any trauma or instances of abuse? No sir. Any self injury? Some. Not recently. Any thoughts of suicide? This question always comes after the self harm one. I paused and said nothing I would ever act on. For the record, when people ask you if you've ever thought about suicide, unless you REALLY have, just say no. Because then she asked what kind of thoughts of suicide and if I'd ever made any attempts. I told her that sometimes after days and days of constant bingeing I feel like there is no end in sight and I wonder what it would be like if I just disappeared for a little bit so I just go to sleep for really long periods of time. She said that's passively suicidal. What was the intent of the self harm? I guess to just distract myself. From? My body. So that's when we finally got back on track with the ED stuff and she told me about some support groups they offer on a weekly basis. I guess the point of this evaluation is so that she can figure out what I need the most and then direct me to it. She should be e-mailing me tonight with a list of names of ED specialists and DBT groups in the area. Good good getting back on track.

Food wise things were fine today. I had two grains worth of cereal for breakfast with milk, and then an egg salad sandwich for lunch. Came a little under at dinner. I had a Cliff Bar and some broccoli. There's this huge part of me that's like, "You've gone a whole week and one day without bingeing! You can totally handle restriction if you want so go ahead and try it out again!!" Argh so frustrating.