Buuuughhhh

Almost binged but stopped after the 7th saltine with peanut butter. Ugh, for so many reasons I feel like bingeing today. First of all, I weighed myself, and it was not pretty. I gained four pounds over Thanksgiving weekend (half of which I'm sure is just water because I'm totally about to get my period... but still). Whenever I see a number that I'm not satisfied with I immediately feel like bingeing because I start thinking, why should I even bother? Also, today and tomorrow I am babysitting for the worst family in the world so that sucks major balls as well. The mother of the kids is a nightmare. She micromanages everything, doesn't pay me enough, and definitely doesn't know how to handle her three very high-maintenance children. Plus she is triggering beyond all belief. Her son, Liam, needs to gain weight so she buys really high fat ice creams and yogurts for him to eat, but she doesn't want her little daughters to gain weight, so they can only have fruit and cottage cheese for after school snacks. Also, she always comments on my weight. At least, she comments on it when I'm thin. That's why it sucks. When I was anorexic last year she was all like, "Oh my gosh you look amazing but your mother must be worried about you!" And when I'm heavy she doesn't say anything at all so you can totally tell she's wondering what the hell happened to me. I hate her. I hate her more than words can even begin to express.

So I've got that babysitting job from 2:30 to 7:30 this afternoon... and then tomorrow I'm going back for round two. Actually, tomorrow I'm spending the night at their house because the parents are going away. That should be an adventure.

Anyways. Proud of myself for not following through on the binge though! The more I learn from Dr. Gordon, my Psych class, support group, and overall experience with an eating disorder, then more I come to appreciate that the more times you are able to come up with something to do besides binge, the easier not bingeing will become.