And so begins another week of insanity

I'm feeling a little disheartened because today my mom asked me if I would be willing to start seeing Dr. Gordon less- like every other week. I guess the cost of our sessions is starting to rack up, and since our insurance doesn't cover shit, we've been paying out of pocket. This is in a word: poopy. The worst part was that my mom was like, "I think you're doing well enough to see her every couple of weeks." Why? Because I'm getting out of bed in the morning? Because I've gotten better at hiding my binge episodes? Because I don't have any fresh cuts on my wrists? Has she ever considered the fact that maybe I'm just not broadcasting my issues to the public?

Thankfully, I saw Dr. Gordon today and she agrees with me. She says that the more she gets to know me, the better she comes to understand the "complexity and chaos of my internal world." I thought the way she put that was funny.

She also gave me some pretty solid advice on how to deal with my crush on Helen's dad. I mean, let's face it- the sooner these feelings run their course the better. She suggested that I simply don't put myself in situations with him any more than I have to. So basically, stick to seeing him only when I need to babysit his kids. For instance, he came over last night to take pictures of Rachel and Helen in their Halloween costumes, and the best thing I could have done for myself would've been to just stay upstairs and wait for him to leave. Instead, I wanted him to see me in my knight costume and curly up-do so I came downstairs under the pretense of loaning the girls some red socks. It was so awkward, my mom said to him, "Why don't you get a picture of Eliza with Rachel and Helen?" I was totally embarrassed and felt like a little kid but of course Bob was like, "sure get in the picture!" Afterwards he was like, "Eliza, I'll send you the picture." EHEHEEHE that means he has my number in his phone! I know I know obviously he should have the babysitter's number in his phone but STILL! If you were to look at his contacts I WOULD BE ONE OF THEM. Sorry, the point of this story is that all of the excitement and crushy feelings could have been avoided if I had just not gone downstairs in the first place.

I'm gearing myself up for a super busy week because not only am I working every day accept for Saturday, but I have stuff going on after work in the evenings as well. This is a good thing I think. Staying busy is good.

Goals for this week:

-don't binge
-lose 2 pounds
-don't use scale (will make the losing 2 pounds difficult to determine but maybe I'll just feel the weight loss)
-avoid Bob
-study for at least two hours every day
-walk everywhere when possible so as to get lots of exercise
-don't leave dirty dishes lying around bedroom