AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh!!!!!
First of all I'd like to apologize for how many swear words I've been using in my posts. I truly hope it doesn't offend! I don't swear when I talk so sometimes I need to write out the obscenities.
That being said. Fuck. Motherfucker. I guess I'm just hungry and on my period but I ate way too many oreos after dinner and then I felt disgusting and didn't know what to do. I've already been to the gym today so I couldn't burn it off there... and it's the end of the day so I have no more meals I can restrict to make up for it. Somehow, amidst all the anxiety and confusion I found myself cowering over the toilet contemplating a behavior I've never tried before.
It didn't work. No matter what I did- fingers, toothbrush... I HAVE NO GAG REFLEX. You know the last time I threw up was second grade? I guess I should count it as a blessing. I mean, purging is a long dark road I've luckily never had to go down and in my saner moments I am thankful for that.
BUT GOD DAMMIT I WISH I HAD A WAY TO GET RID OF THE COOKIES.
Thanks for sticking with me you guys. Treatment has not cured me by any means. I still have an eating disorder.
OK you need to be happy you don't have a gag reflex. Now let's think about the cookies. Think about it, will they magicaly go to your thighs? Nope, you body will break them down and use them, what it can't it get's rid of. Do you want to binge again? Nope, so let's plan what you can do to prevent it. Give me 5 things you can think of to prevent it.
ReplyDeleteCome on I'm waiting......
And last was it a binge? Realy? How many bags did you eat? Don't put it hear but unless it was a whole bag or more it was not a binge. It most likely was your eating disorder telling you it was a binge. ED logic doesn't work in the real world.
One slip up doesn't mean much just that you are human. These types of things happen all the time you have to decide how you want it to affect you from now on. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and move on.
Ewwwww but it was totally a binge.
ReplyDeleteI guess I can journal, go out with a friend... tell my mom so she can make sure I don't do it again, ummmmmm........ NOT go to the gym today so it doesn't feel like compensating. Was that five? OH no wait. I have evening program tonight so I'll ask the girls there.