Blegh I'm outta control

Ew. Grotesque food binge this evening. Most likely precipitated by the fact that my throat has been so sore lately and I just needed something to distract me from the pain. I hate pain :(

My food and feelings workbook came in the mail today though so maybe I'll dive into that tomorrow. My nutritionist told me that it helps to make plans for the next day, that way I won't wake up and feel like the only way to cope post-binge is to binge again. Bingeing is gross. I don't even the word 'binge.' It sounds like twinge. And bitch.

Now my tummy hurts. Whenever I eat ice cream I always convince myself that nothing bad will happen if I eat more but it always does. Owie. I can feel the sugary sweet creamy disgustingness coating the stomach wall.

I miss New York. Today I found myself counting down the days until I go back to school. And NOT just because I have less binge urges when I'm away from home. I need life to go back to that motion of moving forward, you know?

So I'll write out the plan for tomorrow. Not because I think you guys should care but because I need something concrete to follow.

-Be up by 11:00. I'm allowed to sleep in because I sick
-Eat a combination of breakfast and lunch. brunch.
-Go to gym early and get it out of the way
-Come home and study for a solid two hours.
-Mope for twenty minutes and graph how intense self hatred gets
-Make a commitment to stop binge eating
-Make a commitment to recognize that if I want to stop binge eating I have to stop restricting in the morning
-Watch some mindless television

Also I noticed that in my last post I said something about how I hadn't been bingeing lately but now I realized that must have jinxed me so from now on I'm not going to recognize success in that area.